A little over a year ago, I went to see a new dentist. My previous dentist, who I loved, had retired and it had been about 2 years since I had made a visit to the dentist's office. I was NOT looking forward to it.
The office was nice enough and the staff pleasant. They did my exam and told me that I needed a deep cleaning and a root canal on a front tooth. ROOT CANAL? I had never had one of those in my life and honestly, had already set in my mind that it wasn't going to happen.
So...for the next year...I went along my merry way. The tooth didn't hurt, but there was definitely an issue with the hole that had been created by the portion of the tooth that was gone.
Then finally, I couldn't ignore it any longer. I was in jeopardy of losing the entire tooth because of my fear of the process.
I called the dental office and made the appointment.
The night before the procedure, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it would consist of. How much pain would I be in. How long would it take. I scheduled it on a Friday so that I could be "sick and shut in" for the entire weekend.
The fateful day had arrived - and I went into the office feeling anxious. They brought me back to the room where the procedure would take place and told me that I would get the deep cleaning on the right side of my mouth first. That wasn't fun, but it wasn't too bad. they left me in the chair - waiting - and thinking about what was coming next - and getting more anxious by the moment.
They came in to take my blood pressure. Why? I had never had a situation where they did that prior to a dental procedure before. 134/93. Uh oh...."You have to calm down Ms. Smith or we can't do the procedure." NOT do the procedure?!?! OH YEAH THAT WILL MAKE ME MORE CALM! So they turned off the lights, and left me in the chair - waiting - and thinking.
The next reading was 158/103. "NO", they said, " You have got to stop this. The anesthesia we give you for the procedure will increase your blood pressure. Right now if we gave it to you IT COULD KILL YOU. CALM DOWN!" :::insert blank stare at the dental assistant::::
I walked. I prayed. I chanted. I watched Undercover Boss. The next reading - 181/114! The dentist came in and said, "We cannot do your procedure today. We will have to reschedule." I felt embarrassed and angry that I couldn't get past this anxiety to get this over with. I sulked for about 4 hours....and then I realized, that being anxious and angry did not do anything to make the situation better. So I had to come up with a plan to make SURE the next appointment happened and get past the fear.
I asked them to give me something to help me calm down - and they did. I made sure that I spent the evening before relaxing and got a good night's sleep. I took the meds one hour before the procedure.
The process went without a hitch. I felt no pain during and only a small period of time with an ache afterwards. I realized that my tooth HAD been hurting me but I had was so accustomed to the pain that I didn't feel it anymore. I wished I had done it over a year ago.
Isn't that just like things we need to change about ourselves? We KNOW that there are holes in us but we don't do what is necessary to fix them. We display bad behaviors to people that love us and hurt them in the process. We are so afraid of doing the work of making the changes that we convince ourselves that we don't need it - everyone else is wrong. Our conduct and integrity becomes questionable. We are in denial and it's all because of FEAR. So the fear wins - and we lose.
If I hadn't face the fear of getting the root canal, I would have lost the tooth, and possible damaged other teeth in the process! Your fear of change could make you lose things and people and damage other areas of your life in the process. Get some help if you need help with the change. What is the results you want? How are you going to make it happen? Play the Keep, Stop, Start game. What things do you need to KEEP doing? What do you need to STOP doing? Most importantly, what do you need to START doing? LET YOUR FAITH BE BIGGER THAN YOUR FEAR! (Thanks Kirklands)
When you remove the decay and close up the hole, you can then see just how much pain you had been in before and are now pain free! What in your life needs a root canal? I will no longer allow fear to hold me in bondage. You will not break me! #itsasnake #andarat #killit #promise #power #preeminence #iamextraordinary #release #reclaim #reconnect #relineyournest
Tuesday, October 4, 2016
Friday, September 30, 2016
Become Resilient!
Just wanted to pass on some great information on being resilient - that's the foundation of relining your nest. Use the change and transition to not only bounce back, but be better! Enjoy!!
| Resilience is the ability to recover after experiencing a difficult or stressful event. Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life's challenges and setbacks? There are things you can do to improve how you react or cope with difficult or stressful situations. Consider the following resiliency building strategies: |
| Build relationships – Spend time with people who care about you. Develop new friendships with people who are experiencing common life challenges or have similar interests. |
| Allow others to help - Be courageous and ask for help from family, friends, support groups, or counselors and therapists when you need it. |
| Be confident in you - Focus on your abilities, and trust your instincts. |
| Be goal-focused - Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you cannot do or control, focus on small, attainable goals you can reach. |
| Focus on the facts - Most of our worries in day-to-day life are about the "what ifs", what could happen rather than what we're actually facing. Focus on today and now. |
| Discover your strengths - Reflect on what you have accomplished and take note of any positive traits you've acquired as a result of or in spite of tough times. |
| Help others - Helping another person in need can help you find hope during your own stressful times. |
| Take care of you - There is no substitute for proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation techniques. |
| Laugh - Resiliency experts have found that laughter helps people cope better during difficult times. Laughter can even ease physical and emotional pain. |
| No matter how resilient we are, we are all still human. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can teach our mind and body to "bounce back". You do not have to wait for a crisis or stressful life experience to practice building resiliency #relineyournest |
Friday, September 16, 2016
...and here we are again!
It seems that around this time every year I return to this place to pick up again the recording of my thoughts in a blog. In looking back over the past year, especially the past few months, I see how important sharing those thoughts and experiences has become. It's a part of who I am - period. Usually I talk them out, but lately that hasn't been enough. The result of that has been the publishing of my first book - Relining the Empty Nest.
Most people think of children leaving home when they think of an empty nest, but it is so much more than that.
Your heart, home, and daily life is a nest. The nest can be made up of one or more things and it is not important to number them. Just recognize that your nest can and does become empty. Relationships end....people pass away....jobs are removed....you get older.....you move to another city or town or state....your nest become empty and in order to continue life and move forward in it, you have to reline it.
My book was a labor of love. It's not meant to be a deep intensive therapy session but an easy read with my personal experiences as a part of it, but you do have to look within yourself and ask some hard questions. That's where the difficulty happens because we are quick to just not think about something in order to not deal with it. Yet that doesn't mean it's gone away. I heard someone say recently that "you cannot fix what you will not face". I've laid it out for you.
So...the time is now to work on YOU and only you know what is the work that needs to be done. For me? I didn't want to look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if" AND I needed to get over/through/around some things that fear seemed to continually place in my path. I pushed fear aside and guess what? Now I have a book.....
The book is available online as an ebook on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, or you can purchase the paperback at Uniquely Me Press. There is also a workbook that you can purchase if you would prefer to have something separate from your book to record your thoughts.
What are you waiting to do? Let's reline that nest! #relineyournest #itsyourtime
All in the name of love, peace, and happiness...Roberta
Most people think of children leaving home when they think of an empty nest, but it is so much more than that.
Your heart, home, and daily life is a nest. The nest can be made up of one or more things and it is not important to number them. Just recognize that your nest can and does become empty. Relationships end....people pass away....jobs are removed....you get older.....you move to another city or town or state....your nest become empty and in order to continue life and move forward in it, you have to reline it.
My book was a labor of love. It's not meant to be a deep intensive therapy session but an easy read with my personal experiences as a part of it, but you do have to look within yourself and ask some hard questions. That's where the difficulty happens because we are quick to just not think about something in order to not deal with it. Yet that doesn't mean it's gone away. I heard someone say recently that "you cannot fix what you will not face". I've laid it out for you.
So...the time is now to work on YOU and only you know what is the work that needs to be done. For me? I didn't want to look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if" AND I needed to get over/through/around some things that fear seemed to continually place in my path. I pushed fear aside and guess what? Now I have a book.....
The book is available online as an ebook on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, or you can purchase the paperback at Uniquely Me Press. There is also a workbook that you can purchase if you would prefer to have something separate from your book to record your thoughts.
What are you waiting to do? Let's reline that nest! #relineyournest #itsyourtime
All in the name of love, peace, and happiness...Roberta
Thursday, November 26, 2015
Thankful for the gift of thought...
In preparation for this holiday, I have spent a lot of time in introspection. The past year or so has held a lot of transition for me - changing role for me as my daughter went off to college and began the next phase of her life, new roles at work, changes in family dynamics in the acceptance of my mother's health, moving to another part of town, and even just the changes in myself as I get older and deal with my own health struggles. It hasn't been easy, and to be honest, lately it's really been hard. I've shed a lot of tears and at times I have been angry with God feeling that he had abandoned me along with others. I don't think I have ever felt so alone. But I keep moving forward. "Just because you THOUGHT that way doesn't mean you have to THINK that way!" ~ KHC
Last night at church the worship leader spoke of how people see you in contrast to either the reality of you or how you see yourself. That is so true! I think many times that people envision that your world is spinning a lot faster than it really is. My Pastor also shared that he doesn't trust processes, he trusts people - and that is me; I trust people. Ironically that also where the most disappointment comes, in trusting people.Yet even in the realization of that aspect, I love that I am that person. I love how much I enjoy people. I love how much I look forward to opportunities to fellowship and share with others. I love that I'm a romantic and still believe in love and what it will hold for me when He finds me.(can someone give him a GPS) I love how much I like the simple things in life. I love how crafty and creative I am. I love how much music moves me. In a nutshell - I love me! Yet I have also come to understand that FOR ME, there are dynamics that I need for balance. I need Me time, family/friends time, and time with a companion. The difficulty comes when those dynamics aren't in sync, such as it is now. But I do believe that it won't be that way always. I know that there are those that speak of not "telling your business" on social media, but there are times that by you being transparent, you help someone else. Somewhere along the way I think I heard that's a part of ministry.
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
Thinking can sometimes be hazardous...
One of my favorite pastimes is thinking. What happened during the course of the day. What do I want to see happen tomorrow. Why did that person do what they did? Why didn't they do something different? And so on...and so on...and so on....
It's exhausting...
So much so that you wear yourself out just trying to think things through. I was having a conversation with a friend today in hopes that during the conversation I would sort out some thoughts that were swerling through my head. During our chat, I realized that when I came to a decision point, I convince myself, just in thought, that wasn't the right decision and start the process all over again. How many times have we missed out on something that while oh so simple, we made it insurmountable just by our thoughts?
I gotta learn how to not think so much. It's hazardous - to my health, my sanity, and a few other things....but how? Where do you start? What steps do you take? How do you know how much is too much? Hmm...I'll think about it and see what I come up with.
It's exhausting...
So much so that you wear yourself out just trying to think things through. I was having a conversation with a friend today in hopes that during the conversation I would sort out some thoughts that were swerling through my head. During our chat, I realized that when I came to a decision point, I convince myself, just in thought, that wasn't the right decision and start the process all over again. How many times have we missed out on something that while oh so simple, we made it insurmountable just by our thoughts?
I gotta learn how to not think so much. It's hazardous - to my health, my sanity, and a few other things....but how? Where do you start? What steps do you take? How do you know how much is too much? Hmm...I'll think about it and see what I come up with.
Thursday, July 23, 2015
R&R...Get it!
Rest and Relaxation - we all crave more of it. I know I do! In the last few months I've taken a closer look at when and how I rest and relax. In the examination of that, I've discovered that I really don't know how to rest which means I don't relax.
For most of us we look at the weekend as a time of relaxation, but in reality, we may cram more into those two days than all of the week. Running errands, cleaning house, attending worship, and trying to add some fun into it wears us out by Sunday night! Makes me think like what is said in this pic:
But think about it, what would we REALLY do with another day? Yep - cram more stuff into it! So, knowing what we have to work with, we need to determine how to get things done smarter so that we can have more time to rest and relax - throughout the week! In reading various things (which is one way that I rest) and trying to do a better job of resting and relaxing, I came across some great suggestions for ways to do that.
1. Stop thinking so much - Some of us spend time that we should be resting, thinking. What didn't we finish today? What do we have to do tomorrow? Why didn't we get it done? What could we have done differently? What is going on in the world? Why can't there be world peace? Where in the world IS Carmen Satiago? WHy? WHo? Where? WHen? The first step to relaxing is to turn off your brains.
2. Learn that PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST!!! - Would stop spinning if you didn't fold your underwear in your drawer? No, it wouldn't...and you would have more time for you if recognized that it's ok for some things to be a little off kilter. What do you want, a home or a museum?
3. Attack housework a little at a time - I began to use the 15 minute rule. I set a timer for 15 minutes, chose one room and did as much as I could in that 15 minutes. Don't get distracted! Stay focused. Put on some music if you need to. Do that each day and before you know it - the whole house will be clean and your Saturday will all belong to you. Oh yeah, put a load of clothes in the washing machine before you go to bed - and in the dryer the next morning before you leave for work.
4. Have some FUN! - Remember all of the things you used to do that you no longer do? Learn how to PLAY! Is it really because you don't have time or because you don't MAKE time? Reading. Cooking. Crafts. Coloring. Cards. Dominoes. Chess. Playing jacks. Monopoly. Jumping rope. Skipping!(ok, I know I went a little too far with that one!) The point is that we don't stop playing because we get older, we get older because we stop playing!
So I've started your list. There are so many more out there. Take those and expand on them. Spend at least 30 mins to an hour every other day doing something for yourself. Mindless TV. Going through one of those magazines that are stacked up. Take a bubble bath. Call a friend - yes CALL. Not text, not Instant Message. Facetime or Skype is ok - the goal is to make an interpersonal CONNECTION!
Let me know what you do for R&R. Let me know how it changes you - your perspective, your attitude, and your day.
For most of us we look at the weekend as a time of relaxation, but in reality, we may cram more into those two days than all of the week. Running errands, cleaning house, attending worship, and trying to add some fun into it wears us out by Sunday night! Makes me think like what is said in this pic:
But think about it, what would we REALLY do with another day? Yep - cram more stuff into it! So, knowing what we have to work with, we need to determine how to get things done smarter so that we can have more time to rest and relax - throughout the week! In reading various things (which is one way that I rest) and trying to do a better job of resting and relaxing, I came across some great suggestions for ways to do that.
1. Stop thinking so much - Some of us spend time that we should be resting, thinking. What didn't we finish today? What do we have to do tomorrow? Why didn't we get it done? What could we have done differently? What is going on in the world? Why can't there be world peace? Where in the world IS Carmen Satiago? WHy? WHo? Where? WHen? The first step to relaxing is to turn off your brains.
2. Learn that PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST!!! - Would stop spinning if you didn't fold your underwear in your drawer? No, it wouldn't...and you would have more time for you if recognized that it's ok for some things to be a little off kilter. What do you want, a home or a museum?
3. Attack housework a little at a time - I began to use the 15 minute rule. I set a timer for 15 minutes, chose one room and did as much as I could in that 15 minutes. Don't get distracted! Stay focused. Put on some music if you need to. Do that each day and before you know it - the whole house will be clean and your Saturday will all belong to you. Oh yeah, put a load of clothes in the washing machine before you go to bed - and in the dryer the next morning before you leave for work.
4. Have some FUN! - Remember all of the things you used to do that you no longer do? Learn how to PLAY! Is it really because you don't have time or because you don't MAKE time? Reading. Cooking. Crafts. Coloring. Cards. Dominoes. Chess. Playing jacks. Monopoly. Jumping rope. Skipping!(ok, I know I went a little too far with that one!) The point is that we don't stop playing because we get older, we get older because we stop playing!
So I've started your list. There are so many more out there. Take those and expand on them. Spend at least 30 mins to an hour every other day doing something for yourself. Mindless TV. Going through one of those magazines that are stacked up. Take a bubble bath. Call a friend - yes CALL. Not text, not Instant Message. Facetime or Skype is ok - the goal is to make an interpersonal CONNECTION!
Let me know what you do for R&R. Let me know how it changes you - your perspective, your attitude, and your day.
Tuesday, July 7, 2015
Don't Forget to Remember!
Wow! The things we forget in our lives! This is the 2nd time that I've run across this blog and forgotten that I have it. Sad - I know, but life happens. The ironic thing is that a close friend of mine has been saying for the past few months that I should write a book. ME? What would I say? Who would want to read it? "Well", she said, "At least do a blog". I used to have one, I thought, and moved on to the next thing that life had deposited at my feet.
So here I am today, meandering across the internet, and I find this - my blog. I am still single and I am still opinionated, but life has taught me SOOOO much in the past 2 years.
I will begin to record my thoughts on the blog again - just for me. If someone is helped by my words, then that's a good thing - but the most important thing, is that I don't forget to be me. A woman with an opinion.
So here I am today, meandering across the internet, and I find this - my blog. I am still single and I am still opinionated, but life has taught me SOOOO much in the past 2 years.
I will begin to record my thoughts on the blog again - just for me. If someone is helped by my words, then that's a good thing - but the most important thing, is that I don't forget to be me. A woman with an opinion.
Friday, June 21, 2013
A book is always Picture Perfect!
Another reason I look forward to Friday is I get a free Nook book each week. Just go to the Nook Blog: The NOOK Blog - Barnes & Noble Book Clubs and you can see what book is up for grabs! Check the comments area too - there are more books listed there.
I just finished this one - Picture Perfect, and while it wasn't a freebie, I really LOVE the books by Janice Thompson so it didn't matter. If you are a fan of contemporary romance with a Christian foundation - fun, but not preachy, then her books are for you! Pick up a copy and enjoy!!
I just finished this one - Picture Perfect, and while it wasn't a freebie, I really LOVE the books by Janice Thompson so it didn't matter. If you are a fan of contemporary romance with a Christian foundation - fun, but not preachy, then her books are for you! Pick up a copy and enjoy!!
BTW - Janice is a Houston girl - and her books have that Southern twang to them. Enjoy!!
Friday is for...project planning!
I look forward to Fridays - I mean I REALLY look forward to them. Not just because it's the last day of the work week, but because I can make preparation to do some fun stuff over the weekend. At least I try to plan one fun thing to do every weekend. Amazingly enough, as I get older, that list of things gets shorter, and many times at the top of the list is - NOTHING. I just want to sit...and look friendly.
But THIS weekend I'm looking forward to being crafty. My creative juices have been flowing lately and I'm getting back to the things that bring me joy - which is making something with my hands. Sewing was at the top of the list for the past few weeks but scrapbooking and DIY crafts are catching up. Over the weekend I plan to finally make something to fill the wall in my bathroom that has been vacant for 9 years. I know, it's really sad, but yes - 9 years!
I'm going to do my version of a sunburst mirror. What you see below is one that I saw on the wall of a restaurant I visited a couple of weeks ago that kicked off the "ooh I want one of those" idea.
So tune in next week - and see the pics of the finished project - if I finish it - it IS the weekend, you know!
Happy Friday!
But THIS weekend I'm looking forward to being crafty. My creative juices have been flowing lately and I'm getting back to the things that bring me joy - which is making something with my hands. Sewing was at the top of the list for the past few weeks but scrapbooking and DIY crafts are catching up. Over the weekend I plan to finally make something to fill the wall in my bathroom that has been vacant for 9 years. I know, it's really sad, but yes - 9 years!
I'm going to do my version of a sunburst mirror. What you see below is one that I saw on the wall of a restaurant I visited a couple of weeks ago that kicked off the "ooh I want one of those" idea.
So tune in next week - and see the pics of the finished project - if I finish it - it IS the weekend, you know!
Happy Friday!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Paula Deen is not the face of the enemy - look in the mirror.
I've just spent the better part of the last hour responding to some FB posts about the Paula Deen situation. Just in case you don't know, it has been reported by a former employee that Paula Deen made racial statements (the N word) and wanted to do a themed wedding where the servers would be African American/Black men in white jackets. In a deposition, Paula admitted to having used the word before. One statement said that it was when a black man came into the bank where she worked to rob it and held a gun to her head. People are upset - calling her a racist and talking about no longer supporting her work. Ya'll make me tired...
I DO NOT like the word being used by ANYONE under ANY circumstances!! I can understand the reason behind her using it, but it doesn't negate my feelings about. YET - we are up in arms when someone White uses the word, but not when someone African American uses it? IT SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM EVERYONE'S VOCABULARY! Stop saying it's ok for some and not for others!!!!!
One person on FB stated that Paula said that in this Civil War themed wedding she " would really like is a bunch of little n-ggers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties. You know, in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now, that would be a true Southern wedding, wouldn’t it?" What I read in an internet article, wasn't that she admitted to making that statement, she admitted to using the word. The former employee was the one that said she made the statement. Paula said that she used the word Black in her vision of the event. But that is really not my issue - MY issue is how we get all mad about a WHITE person using the word, but we allow and even celebrate (Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, etc) when they use the word!! Also - this former employee - are they black or white? How long did they work there? Why were they terminated? Why all of a sudden are these things an issue with this employee? I want to know more about her. I just think there is a lot more to this story than what is being displayed by the media, who we know will ALWAYS tell the truth about everything!! I'm just not going to judge the woman by this one situation - she has to face God for what she has done. I do not think it she was smart to say whatever she may have said, but I appreciate the fact that she was honest when asked about it. She is a 66 year old white woman who was raised in the deep South. My mother STILL uses the N word - and I repeatedly tell her how I feel about it. She has told me many times that's just what she was taught to say. So what is our excuse? WE, as a younger, stronger, more enlightened, more "intellectual" generation, continue to allow it to be said to us and about us by our own.
That's just it - it is NOT. I don't care HOW you spell it.."ger, gga, gah"- it is still negative, derogatory, and WRONG. If you like or love me...call me by name, say my friend, my girl, my sister, even my "homie", but DO NOT call me your nigga! I never said I wasn't bothered by her using it - I don't like that she does - but I dislike it MORE that my own people use it as a term of endearment. THAT IS PURE FOOLISHNESS!
I DO NOT like the word being used by ANYONE under ANY circumstances!! I can understand the reason behind her using it, but it doesn't negate my feelings about. YET - we are up in arms when someone White uses the word, but not when someone African American uses it? IT SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM EVERYONE'S VOCABULARY! Stop saying it's ok for some and not for others!!!!!
One person on FB stated that Paula said that in this Civil War themed wedding she " would really like is a bunch of little n-ggers to wear long-sleeve white shirts, black shorts and black bow ties. You know, in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. Now, that would be a true Southern wedding, wouldn’t it?" What I read in an internet article, wasn't that she admitted to making that statement, she admitted to using the word. The former employee was the one that said she made the statement. Paula said that she used the word Black in her vision of the event. But that is really not my issue - MY issue is how we get all mad about a WHITE person using the word, but we allow and even celebrate (Richard Pryor, Dave Chappelle, etc) when they use the word!! Also - this former employee - are they black or white? How long did they work there? Why were they terminated? Why all of a sudden are these things an issue with this employee? I want to know more about her. I just think there is a lot more to this story than what is being displayed by the media, who we know will ALWAYS tell the truth about everything!! I'm just not going to judge the woman by this one situation - she has to face God for what she has done. I do not think it she was smart to say whatever she may have said, but I appreciate the fact that she was honest when asked about it. She is a 66 year old white woman who was raised in the deep South. My mother STILL uses the N word - and I repeatedly tell her how I feel about it. She has told me many times that's just what she was taught to say. So what is our excuse? WE, as a younger, stronger, more enlightened, more "intellectual" generation, continue to allow it to be said to us and about us by our own.
Then comes the response that I knew was out there..."but it's two different meanings"!
That's just it - it is NOT. I don't care HOW you spell it.."ger, gga, gah"- it is still negative, derogatory, and WRONG. If you like or love me...call me by name, say my friend, my girl, my sister, even my "homie", but DO NOT call me your nigga! I never said I wasn't bothered by her using it - I don't like that she does - but I dislike it MORE that my own people use it as a term of endearment. THAT IS PURE FOOLISHNESS!
Bad Paula for using the word in the first place! I pray you REALLY learn from this situation and begin to strip those types of behaviors from the representation of who you are. Bad former employee for using the status/name of her former employer to gain money. (If you don't pay, we will tell - what does THAT say to you?) BAD AFRICAN AMERICAN COMMUNITY FOR TAKING THIS WORD AND TRYING TO MAKE IT ACCEPTABLE. We have GOT to stop tolerating the behavior of people who look like us simply because they look like us. I'm not saying that you can influence every person in the world, but I'm pretty positive that you can influence a few around you, and if they do the same, the change will happen. We have become a culture of acceptance; and most of the things that we accept within our own community, we are ready to curse, fight, and boycott if it is done by those who are outside of our community. I do not accept it and I do not allow it (still working on Momma). I'm not your n***a, your b****, or your ho. It is not amusing. It is not endearing. It is NOT who I am.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
What we REALLY should be afraid of, is being afraid....
I had forgotten about this blog. It wasn't that I had forgotten about thinking or that I had stopped having opinions, but I had just stopped recording them. It was wonderful to go back and read the old posts and see how far I have come - and what I stopped doing.
Follow through - do you have a difficult time with that? Sometimes I do. I don't intend to not complete anything - and actually maybe possibly in my mind it's already complete.(aha!) I know that I get bored easily and like to move on to other projects - and all of the projects are creative - most involve cutting, pasting, and writing. The others involve reorganizing, making something, or making something old new again. Is that so different from what we do when making changes? If your life is about moving forward, isn't that what you do? You cut out some things - paste some things over other things - write about it (a la Twitter or FB) - you reorganize your thoughts, your feelings, your possessions - you make something; a friend, a promise - or sometimes you make something old new again - friendship, family relationship, old flame, or just how you think about life and what your next steps will be.
My Pastor talked about moving forward on Sunday. His BRILLIANT analogy (don't tell him I said that) was of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean video. He shared that the director/producer had it all lined out, and ALL Michael had to do was take each step as it was directed and everything would fall into place. The camera would record it correctly - the music would line up correctly - and most importantly, the scene would be complete and it would be a success. That's what God wants us to do - follow the path he has laid out for us and see the success.
I thought about that analogy on the way home from church. How many times had I stopped making the steps because my MIND said it wasn't the right path to take. The results of that action? I became Frustrated. Disappointed. Angry. Jealous. Hurt. Envious. Sad. Disillusioned. - and those emotions caused me to stop progressing because I was afraid. Afraid of failure - afraid of rejection - just plain old SCARED. Hmm, (aha) it was during THAT time that I stopped posting on the blog...wow...FEAR caused me to stop other things which caused me to stop...and be still...and not move forward.
...but just like Michael Jackson - I BEAT IT!(Thank you BW) Ok, so you didn't accomplish all that you thought you would have by now - and your path wasn't as smooth as you thought it should. SO...WHAT! Mine wasn't...and I didn't...but I CAN say, that I really do LOVE who I have become! I really LIKE that cute caramel complected woman that I see in the mirror! She is beautiful and talented and thoughtful and smart and creative and compassionate and loving and funny and ready for whatever God has next for her! I am EXCITED about the growth I have made! I am sorry if who I am doesn't measure up to YOUR idea, but I love you anyway, and I'm glad that YOU DON'T MAKE THE RULES! HA! I am NOT afraid anymore! :::insert praise break:::
A coworker recently shared with me that her mother was "refined, dignified, and sophisticated" and that she had passed those traits on to her.::::side eye::: She then went on to talk about how she really didn't have friendships inside or outside the workplace. "Hmm," I thought initially, "is she trying to say that I am NONE of those things?" That little voice of fear and insecurity that drove me to stop moving forward began to speak...BUT the new strong resilient excited about life voice piped up and said "SHUT UP". That happened just in time to hear her say "You know, I come over here and speak to you, and you never come over to my area and speak to me." "No", I responded, "I came over to you once - and you turned your nose up at me and didn't respond to what I was saying, so I felt it best to leave you where you were.That way, when and if you do come by, I know you want to be friendly. See, I like people and I spend more time here at work than at home, so I like to enjoy wherever I am. I prefer to do as the quote says and 'bloom where you are
planted'". Yes, she said, the quote by Mary Englebreit. "Actually" I corrected her, "The Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales originally made that quote. Mary Englebreit just made it popular." I smiled as she turned and walked away....and took fear with her.
::: George Jefferson strut::: Yeah...I'm bad... :::moonwalk and leg kick:::
Follow through - do you have a difficult time with that? Sometimes I do. I don't intend to not complete anything - and actually maybe possibly in my mind it's already complete.(aha!) I know that I get bored easily and like to move on to other projects - and all of the projects are creative - most involve cutting, pasting, and writing. The others involve reorganizing, making something, or making something old new again. Is that so different from what we do when making changes? If your life is about moving forward, isn't that what you do? You cut out some things - paste some things over other things - write about it (a la Twitter or FB) - you reorganize your thoughts, your feelings, your possessions - you make something; a friend, a promise - or sometimes you make something old new again - friendship, family relationship, old flame, or just how you think about life and what your next steps will be.
My Pastor talked about moving forward on Sunday. His BRILLIANT analogy (don't tell him I said that) was of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean video. He shared that the director/producer had it all lined out, and ALL Michael had to do was take each step as it was directed and everything would fall into place. The camera would record it correctly - the music would line up correctly - and most importantly, the scene would be complete and it would be a success. That's what God wants us to do - follow the path he has laid out for us and see the success.
I thought about that analogy on the way home from church. How many times had I stopped making the steps because my MIND said it wasn't the right path to take. The results of that action? I became Frustrated. Disappointed. Angry. Jealous. Hurt. Envious. Sad. Disillusioned. - and those emotions caused me to stop progressing because I was afraid. Afraid of failure - afraid of rejection - just plain old SCARED. Hmm, (aha) it was during THAT time that I stopped posting on the blog...wow...FEAR caused me to stop other things which caused me to stop...and be still...and not move forward.
...but just like Michael Jackson - I BEAT IT!(Thank you BW) Ok, so you didn't accomplish all that you thought you would have by now - and your path wasn't as smooth as you thought it should. SO...WHAT! Mine wasn't...and I didn't...but I CAN say, that I really do LOVE who I have become! I really LIKE that cute caramel complected woman that I see in the mirror! She is beautiful and talented and thoughtful and smart and creative and compassionate and loving and funny and ready for whatever God has next for her! I am EXCITED about the growth I have made! I am sorry if who I am doesn't measure up to YOUR idea, but I love you anyway, and I'm glad that YOU DON'T MAKE THE RULES! HA! I am NOT afraid anymore! :::insert praise break:::
A coworker recently shared with me that her mother was "refined, dignified, and sophisticated" and that she had passed those traits on to her.::::side eye::: She then went on to talk about how she really didn't have friendships inside or outside the workplace. "Hmm," I thought initially, "is she trying to say that I am NONE of those things?" That little voice of fear and insecurity that drove me to stop moving forward began to speak...BUT the new strong resilient excited about life voice piped up and said "SHUT UP". That happened just in time to hear her say "You know, I come over here and speak to you, and you never come over to my area and speak to me." "No", I responded, "I came over to you once - and you turned your nose up at me and didn't respond to what I was saying, so I felt it best to leave you where you were.That way, when and if you do come by, I know you want to be friendly. See, I like people and I spend more time here at work than at home, so I like to enjoy wherever I am. I prefer to do as the quote says and 'bloom where you are
planted'". Yes, she said, the quote by Mary Englebreit. "Actually" I corrected her, "The Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales originally made that quote. Mary Englebreit just made it popular." I smiled as she turned and walked away....and took fear with her.
::: George Jefferson strut::: Yeah...I'm bad... :::moonwalk and leg kick:::
Monday, January 4, 2010
Extreme Makeover – Is it time for yours?
While on a cruise recently, I was in my cabin watching the show Extreme Makeover. (Yeah, I know, right?) You know how it works - the foundation of the show is based on a person or families who have a situation in their life which prevents them from being able to live in a “suitable” home. The Extreme Makeover team comes in and builds the family a new home to help their life improve. In a sense, they change the external to work to improve the internal. I wondered how many of us realize that we should each experience our own extreme makeover –but from the inside out!
I recently met a young man who is embarking on a new path in his life. He has a passion for sports and a heart for children – and is trying to combine those two. He originally was not considering starting a business, but the more he shared with me the more I could see his vision become a new business. He had been laid off and not having success in finding another job and I told him that perhaps this is why. I saw a light in his eyes when he would begin to talk about working with those kids and what he wanted to do to make an impact in their lives. I shared with him some foundational knowledge that I had as a previous business owner and a corporate administrator. He then began to talk about his image and the difficult time he is having in changing the way he dresses, speaks, and those he associates with. Not that his “associates” are the wrong ones, just on a different levels. He doesn’t want to disrespect his friends, but has a sincere desire to be a better man – both spiritually and mentally. I told him that I could see God at work in his life. I also shared with him that sometimes we have to have two different personalities – a professional side and a personal side – and there is nothing wrong with it! The key is to discover how to balance the two so that there isn’t a situation that could be “discovered” that would destroy either side. I shared with him that sometimes, it takes one individual to have the courage to be begin the change process for others to follow suite. “Don’t follow the trend”, I said to him, “set the trend”!
Its so important to recognize that who you are as a person –be it a business owner, professional, or just as an “ordinary Joe” is SO much more than what you present on the outside – its who you are inside – and ‘that’ comes shining through. Consider this statement “You can take the person out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the person” – why is that? It is because “country” is who that person is on the inside. It shines through not matter what type of clothing you wear or what type of car you drive. There is a “still small voice” that whispers to you when you know that you are at a point to elevate yourself from your current situation.
2009 was a year of change for me - marital status, financial, career – and my initial fear was how I was going to “look” to others in this new start, and as a result, I tried to reinvent myself – externally – with some positive and some negative results. As God continues to work on me, I began to understand that it was not my external but some internal changes that were in order. Not that I am a horrible person, but a few of the things that were hindering my elevation to who HE would have me to be in order to become complete in HIM were the things that I was trying to keep from happening on the inside. When I started to allow the internal to change, the external changes caused people to say “What has happened to you? You have this GLOW!”
My friend, Tony Haynes, wrote a poem called, “Live As If You Have Arrived”
Live as if…
Y ou have arrived to that place
O f revelation
U nforgettably described as destiny & destination
A lthough still on your journey to a
R ainbow pre-archived
E very sign tells you…
…To live as if you have arrived
I n the flesh to that space called Soul Salvation
N irvana for a passenger who purposefully passes…
T hrough the portal of presumption to
H ail the proclamation that
E vokes power & persuasion to the masses
D ive in wholeheartedly
R evel in your parted sea
I n a way that channels Moses once you've dived
V ersus Pharaoh and his army be
E xcursion ready
R eadily
S et to live your life as if you have arrived
S o those with trepidation
E xit from their station
A rmed with a sense of hope in overdrive
T o wander less and from this day …
As you do - so will they
Believe before they leave they have arrived
When you go through an internal makeover, you begin to live as if you have arrived. You begin to walk in your destiny and feel the power that has been in you all along. YOU ARE IN THE DRIVERS SEAT – but God has the best GPS system available! Let 2010 be the year of your Extreme Makeover!
I recently met a young man who is embarking on a new path in his life. He has a passion for sports and a heart for children – and is trying to combine those two. He originally was not considering starting a business, but the more he shared with me the more I could see his vision become a new business. He had been laid off and not having success in finding another job and I told him that perhaps this is why. I saw a light in his eyes when he would begin to talk about working with those kids and what he wanted to do to make an impact in their lives. I shared with him some foundational knowledge that I had as a previous business owner and a corporate administrator. He then began to talk about his image and the difficult time he is having in changing the way he dresses, speaks, and those he associates with. Not that his “associates” are the wrong ones, just on a different levels. He doesn’t want to disrespect his friends, but has a sincere desire to be a better man – both spiritually and mentally. I told him that I could see God at work in his life. I also shared with him that sometimes we have to have two different personalities – a professional side and a personal side – and there is nothing wrong with it! The key is to discover how to balance the two so that there isn’t a situation that could be “discovered” that would destroy either side. I shared with him that sometimes, it takes one individual to have the courage to be begin the change process for others to follow suite. “Don’t follow the trend”, I said to him, “set the trend”!
Its so important to recognize that who you are as a person –be it a business owner, professional, or just as an “ordinary Joe” is SO much more than what you present on the outside – its who you are inside – and ‘that’ comes shining through. Consider this statement “You can take the person out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the person” – why is that? It is because “country” is who that person is on the inside. It shines through not matter what type of clothing you wear or what type of car you drive. There is a “still small voice” that whispers to you when you know that you are at a point to elevate yourself from your current situation.
2009 was a year of change for me - marital status, financial, career – and my initial fear was how I was going to “look” to others in this new start, and as a result, I tried to reinvent myself – externally – with some positive and some negative results. As God continues to work on me, I began to understand that it was not my external but some internal changes that were in order. Not that I am a horrible person, but a few of the things that were hindering my elevation to who HE would have me to be in order to become complete in HIM were the things that I was trying to keep from happening on the inside. When I started to allow the internal to change, the external changes caused people to say “What has happened to you? You have this GLOW!”
My friend, Tony Haynes, wrote a poem called, “Live As If You Have Arrived”
Live as if…
Y ou have arrived to that place
O f revelation
U nforgettably described as destiny & destination
A lthough still on your journey to a
R ainbow pre-archived
E very sign tells you…
…To live as if you have arrived
I n the flesh to that space called Soul Salvation
N irvana for a passenger who purposefully passes…
T hrough the portal of presumption to
H ail the proclamation that
E vokes power & persuasion to the masses
D ive in wholeheartedly
R evel in your parted sea
I n a way that channels Moses once you've dived
V ersus Pharaoh and his army be
E xcursion ready
R eadily
S et to live your life as if you have arrived
S o those with trepidation
E xit from their station
A rmed with a sense of hope in overdrive
T o wander less and from this day …
As you do - so will they
Believe before they leave they have arrived
When you go through an internal makeover, you begin to live as if you have arrived. You begin to walk in your destiny and feel the power that has been in you all along. YOU ARE IN THE DRIVERS SEAT – but God has the best GPS system available! Let 2010 be the year of your Extreme Makeover!
Monday, December 7, 2009
“The Other Side of Through” - God’s Wisdom in Due Season
I recently ran into a former church member who told me that this article, which I wrote in 2002 for a church newsletter, is something that she still reads and is blessed by it. I asked her to send it to me to share it with you. I hope there is something in it that will bless you! (THANK YOU GOD, for using me to be a blessing to another!)
The Other Side Of Through - God's Wisdom in Due Season
Bought sense. That’s what my Mother always called it. It was what you gained AFTER you had experienced something. It was the lesson you carried with you from that day forward. As a Christian, it is the wisdom of God springing forth out of a difficult situation. It is where you land when you arrive on the other side of through. You know what “through” is, right? It’s when you’ve cried all night long, or you are in a situation that you have no solution to, or when you just can’t seem to pull yourself up out of that depression that you’re in and people ask you, “What is wrong?” and you can only reply “I’m just going through”. Milton Bignon has a song that reminds us “there’s a blessing on the other side of through.”
I recently was reflecting on the number of “throughs” that I have survived and also in the deliverance received in the series of messages by Pastor Ogletree on “It’s My Time”. Is it really my time, I asked myself? Is it my season? In arriving on the other side of my latest “through”, God revealed to me the essence of what “your time and season” really is.
The four seasons or nature’s cycle are all something that we are familiar with, and each season takes approximately 3 months to complete itself. So when we hear the words “it’s your season or it’s your time”, we immediately think that our prayers will be answered instantaneously, or at least by the end of the next season. We begin to rejoice! In three months, everything will be alright! But wait….we are still on God’s time, not our time, and the amount of time that is necessary for us to complete our season or our cycle is completely dependent upon where we are in our walk with God. There are different elements of your season just as there are different elements of each season of nature. Recognizing that you are in need of God’s guidance in your life is one element. Growing in your knowledge of the word is another element. Recognizing that Momma’s relationship with God is not yours is another element. Examining where you are in your personal relationships and removing the toxic people from your surroundings is another element. A few weeks ago someone emailed me a list of statements that I sat down and compared it to the bits of wisdom that God has given to me in arriving at the other side of through. I will share some of these with you.
1. “When you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done”. A college degree was something that I never thought I would achieve. There was always an “if only” standing between the degree and myself. One day, I decided that I would find a program that would allow me to work, be a good mother, and obtain my degree. I didn’t know how I would pay for it or even if I would qualify for financial aid. That was in October of 1999. I began at LeTourneau University in January of 2000 and I will graduate this December with a degree in Business Management. Never say never.
2. “What you are willing to move away from determines what God will bring to you.” Bishop McLaughlin shared with us on Sunday about running to meet our giants. My giant is insecurity. I stand witness to you today that every time I face that insecurity head on, God allows me to achieve my goal. I always felt that I was too tall, too large, too dark, hair too short, etc. to do anything that was associated with “beauty”. Last year, I faced that giant of insecurity and entered the Miss American Achievement pageant. I won the city title, state title, and ultimately became first runner up for the national title. I moved away from fear, and God brought me accomplishment.
3. “God never consults your past to determine your future.” There are things in my past that I am not proud of, just as there are in yours. If I continued to keep my head down because of the things that I had not been able to do in the past, I wouldn’t have seen the doors and windows opening to me for the new improved and exciting blessings that God has lay before me now and in the future. This too shall pass - let it go. God has prepared us and is preparing us for exactly where we need to be in his kingdom, and he knows what he has brought us through to get there.
4. “The only difference between your present and your future is your wisdom.” My personal relationships have left a lot to be desired, and as a result, I remain a single woman – but I tell you, I would rather wait for the BEST man that God is preparing for me than settle for the GOOD man that I think I need. Stand still and know that with God ALL things are possible.
We all make mistakes, and will continue to do so. Just remember that the joy is in knowing that with each mistake, there is wisdom to be gained and a step to be made. With each step you get closer to the desires of your heart and the riches that God has prepared just for you. Don’t be discouraged by the storms that come your way, just know that ‘through” is something that we all experience. You have either been through, are going through, or are about to go through – but know that there is a blessing, and added wisdom in the elements of your season, on the other side of through.
THEN AND NOW….
This was written 7 years ago, and yes, I still go through, and I still reflect on these aspects of what God is trying to show me as a result of whatever it is I am going through. I did get my Bachelor's degree; I also completed my Master's degree in Education in 2006 and am working on my PhD. I got married to a man that I thought was the man for me – he was a GOOD man, but not the BEST man that God has for me - and now I am divorced. I continue to strive for the prize that is awaiting me at the end of each lesson. I continue to examine who and what is in my life and whether or not it should remain there, and I tell you, EVERY TIME that I REMOVE some garbage from my life GOD SHOWERS ME WITH GOODNESS!! I am not as insecure as I used to be. Do I question things – yes, sometimes, but don’t get it twisted, I am a FABULOUSLY FIERCE DIVINE DIVA! I am a BEAUTIFUL woman with a huge heart and a loving spirit – and NOTHING you do will take that away from me! It IS who God created me to be – and the FAKE in you cannot remove the REAL in me! (Sorry, I had a moment..LOL!)
Now with these thoughts in mind, WHY LAWD, WHY, wouldn’t you look FORWARD to the OTHER SIDE of THROUGH?!?!
The Other Side Of Through - God's Wisdom in Due Season
Bought sense. That’s what my Mother always called it. It was what you gained AFTER you had experienced something. It was the lesson you carried with you from that day forward. As a Christian, it is the wisdom of God springing forth out of a difficult situation. It is where you land when you arrive on the other side of through. You know what “through” is, right? It’s when you’ve cried all night long, or you are in a situation that you have no solution to, or when you just can’t seem to pull yourself up out of that depression that you’re in and people ask you, “What is wrong?” and you can only reply “I’m just going through”. Milton Bignon has a song that reminds us “there’s a blessing on the other side of through.”
I recently was reflecting on the number of “throughs” that I have survived and also in the deliverance received in the series of messages by Pastor Ogletree on “It’s My Time”. Is it really my time, I asked myself? Is it my season? In arriving on the other side of my latest “through”, God revealed to me the essence of what “your time and season” really is.
The four seasons or nature’s cycle are all something that we are familiar with, and each season takes approximately 3 months to complete itself. So when we hear the words “it’s your season or it’s your time”, we immediately think that our prayers will be answered instantaneously, or at least by the end of the next season. We begin to rejoice! In three months, everything will be alright! But wait….we are still on God’s time, not our time, and the amount of time that is necessary for us to complete our season or our cycle is completely dependent upon where we are in our walk with God. There are different elements of your season just as there are different elements of each season of nature. Recognizing that you are in need of God’s guidance in your life is one element. Growing in your knowledge of the word is another element. Recognizing that Momma’s relationship with God is not yours is another element. Examining where you are in your personal relationships and removing the toxic people from your surroundings is another element. A few weeks ago someone emailed me a list of statements that I sat down and compared it to the bits of wisdom that God has given to me in arriving at the other side of through. I will share some of these with you.
1. “When you want something you’ve never had, you’ve got to do something you’ve never done”. A college degree was something that I never thought I would achieve. There was always an “if only” standing between the degree and myself. One day, I decided that I would find a program that would allow me to work, be a good mother, and obtain my degree. I didn’t know how I would pay for it or even if I would qualify for financial aid. That was in October of 1999. I began at LeTourneau University in January of 2000 and I will graduate this December with a degree in Business Management. Never say never.
2. “What you are willing to move away from determines what God will bring to you.” Bishop McLaughlin shared with us on Sunday about running to meet our giants. My giant is insecurity. I stand witness to you today that every time I face that insecurity head on, God allows me to achieve my goal. I always felt that I was too tall, too large, too dark, hair too short, etc. to do anything that was associated with “beauty”. Last year, I faced that giant of insecurity and entered the Miss American Achievement pageant. I won the city title, state title, and ultimately became first runner up for the national title. I moved away from fear, and God brought me accomplishment.
3. “God never consults your past to determine your future.” There are things in my past that I am not proud of, just as there are in yours. If I continued to keep my head down because of the things that I had not been able to do in the past, I wouldn’t have seen the doors and windows opening to me for the new improved and exciting blessings that God has lay before me now and in the future. This too shall pass - let it go. God has prepared us and is preparing us for exactly where we need to be in his kingdom, and he knows what he has brought us through to get there.
4. “The only difference between your present and your future is your wisdom.” My personal relationships have left a lot to be desired, and as a result, I remain a single woman – but I tell you, I would rather wait for the BEST man that God is preparing for me than settle for the GOOD man that I think I need. Stand still and know that with God ALL things are possible.
We all make mistakes, and will continue to do so. Just remember that the joy is in knowing that with each mistake, there is wisdom to be gained and a step to be made. With each step you get closer to the desires of your heart and the riches that God has prepared just for you. Don’t be discouraged by the storms that come your way, just know that ‘through” is something that we all experience. You have either been through, are going through, or are about to go through – but know that there is a blessing, and added wisdom in the elements of your season, on the other side of through.
THEN AND NOW….
This was written 7 years ago, and yes, I still go through, and I still reflect on these aspects of what God is trying to show me as a result of whatever it is I am going through. I did get my Bachelor's degree; I also completed my Master's degree in Education in 2006 and am working on my PhD. I got married to a man that I thought was the man for me – he was a GOOD man, but not the BEST man that God has for me - and now I am divorced. I continue to strive for the prize that is awaiting me at the end of each lesson. I continue to examine who and what is in my life and whether or not it should remain there, and I tell you, EVERY TIME that I REMOVE some garbage from my life GOD SHOWERS ME WITH GOODNESS!! I am not as insecure as I used to be. Do I question things – yes, sometimes, but don’t get it twisted, I am a FABULOUSLY FIERCE DIVINE DIVA! I am a BEAUTIFUL woman with a huge heart and a loving spirit – and NOTHING you do will take that away from me! It IS who God created me to be – and the FAKE in you cannot remove the REAL in me! (Sorry, I had a moment..LOL!)
Now with these thoughts in mind, WHY LAWD, WHY, wouldn’t you look FORWARD to the OTHER SIDE of THROUGH?!?!
Saturday, December 5, 2009
No More Disclaimers...
A friend of mine who read my “Lies like a Rug” post called me up and said that I shouldn’t have posted the disclaimer. She said that my words stood on their own merit, and that I had initially stated that they were my “personal observations, opinions, and sometimes random incoherent rants” so no need to do that.
That started me to thinking – (yes, I know how dangerous that is, but I can’t help myself.) I wondered, WHY LAWD WHY, it is that so many of us will give a disclaimer to something that we think, do, or feel? Hmmm…
Disclaimer is defined as “the act of disclaiming; the renouncing, repudiating, or denying of a claim. a statement, document, or assertion that disclaims responsibility, affiliation, etc.;” Upon consideration of that definition, I would say that most of the time, we do not want to renounce or deny what we have stated, but more so to further explain our rationale for our statements OR actions. In pondering this further, I considered that we could use some alternative words or phrases:
1. Cause – I said what I said CAUSE that is what I wanted to say!
2. Reason – If folk wouldn’t act the way they act, then I wouldn’t have REASON to act like I act!
3. Delimitating factors – We won’t even go there….
4. Alibi – Only necessary in situations that could ultimately end up in facing parents, spouses, significant others, the police, or on Judge Mathis!
5. “See what had happened was….” - You already know that what will follow that phrase is a lie added to the lie that started the conversation in the FIRST PLACE!
Legally, disclaimers keep a lot of companies off of the hot seat, but in interpersonal relationships – it’s just best to choose something a little different – now you have a few more options! Thanks my friend!
That started me to thinking – (yes, I know how dangerous that is, but I can’t help myself.) I wondered, WHY LAWD WHY, it is that so many of us will give a disclaimer to something that we think, do, or feel? Hmmm…
Disclaimer is defined as “the act of disclaiming; the renouncing, repudiating, or denying of a claim. a statement, document, or assertion that disclaims responsibility, affiliation, etc.;” Upon consideration of that definition, I would say that most of the time, we do not want to renounce or deny what we have stated, but more so to further explain our rationale for our statements OR actions. In pondering this further, I considered that we could use some alternative words or phrases:
1. Cause – I said what I said CAUSE that is what I wanted to say!
2. Reason – If folk wouldn’t act the way they act, then I wouldn’t have REASON to act like I act!
3. Delimitating factors – We won’t even go there….
4. Alibi – Only necessary in situations that could ultimately end up in facing parents, spouses, significant others, the police, or on Judge Mathis!
5. “See what had happened was….” - You already know that what will follow that phrase is a lie added to the lie that started the conversation in the FIRST PLACE!
Legally, disclaimers keep a lot of companies off of the hot seat, but in interpersonal relationships – it’s just best to choose something a little different – now you have a few more options! Thanks my friend!
If I'm Every Woman, Why Can't I Choose The Man AND The Life I Want?
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Snubbing the Wedding Ring
A new research from Yale University is going right to the heart of an issue that is all too familiar in the African American community. That educated and successful Black women are finding it difficult to meet “Mr. Right.”
The research which has become the subject of many discussions in the media about the stability of the Black family in the Barack Obama era shows that few Black women with post-graduate degrees are getting married and having children. “
In the past nearly four decades, Black women have made great gains in higher education rates, yet these gains appear to have come increasingly at the expense of marriage and family,” said Hannah Brueckner, professor of sociology at Yale University and one of the authors of the research. “Both White and Black highly educated women have increasingly delayed childbirth and remain childless, but the increase is stronger for Black women.”
This new study produced by Yale University Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course, directed by Brueckner, has been described as the first of its kind for reviewing long-term trends in marriage among highly educated Black women.
According to the study, Black women who were born after 1950 were twice as likely as their White counterparts to never have been married by age 45, and twice as likely to be divorced, widowed or separated. “
Highly educated Black women have increasingly fewer options when it comes to potential mates,” Brueckner said. “They are less likely than Black men to marry outside their race, and compared to Whites and Black men, they are least likely to marry a college-educated spouse.”
Some highly educated and successful Black men have gone outside of their race to find their soul mates.
Vivid examples can be found in Julian Bond, veteran civil rights leader and chairman of the National NAACP, entertainer/activist Harry Belafonte, former United Nations Secretary General Kofi Anan, basketball great Charles Barkley and golf superstar Tiger Woods, who all married White women.
Because of the limited pool of available intelligent and accomplished Black men, some Detroiters are responding to the Yale report with cautious optimism.
“I think that Black women should explore other options (opposite sex), just as many Blacks have done throughout history. Love is not defined in terms of Black and Black, but perhaps, in terms of Latino, Asian, White, etc,” said Kimberly Hill, 37, a political consultant, lecturer and former aide to Congressman John Conyers.
Hill said Black women are faced with so many socioeconomic challenges that sometimes provide unintended roadblocks in developing relationships.
“For jobs that have traditionally been held by White men, there is almost an unbearable amount of pressure to perform exceptionally. Consequently, women are often forced to choose between career advancement or love,” Hill said.
“It is very possible to become so engrossed in the mundane functions of a career position that you lose sight of your outside interests, thus hindering your chances of finding love.”
However, Hill believes the dilemma facing Black women can be addressed.
“The answer is balance. As successful Black women we must learn to prioritize what is important in life, and balance must influence this equation,” she said. “A balanced woman achieves academic and career success, actively displays a commitment to bettering their community, has a social life, and most importantly, at least in my view has developed spiritual maturity.”
The study noted that despite the fact that Black women are more likely than White women to have children, 45 percent of those born between 1955 and 1960 didn’t have children by 45 compared to 35 percent of White women who were born in the same period.
The study, led by Natalie Nitsche, a graduate student in sociology at Yale, used data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey to reveal the marital status of Black women with postgraduate degrees.
For example, for Black women with postgraduate degrees born between 1956 and 1960, the average age they gave birth for the first time was 34, almost in the same range as White women.
However, when White women started reaching their 30s, many of them gave birth more than once while most Black women did not.
Ebony Reed, 31, deputy metro editor at the Detroit News, said there are a number of factors responsible for the shortage of Black men in our communities.
“If Black professional women are only looking in the Black community for a mate there is a limited pool of available men, based on high rates of incarceration, mortality and unemployment of Black men,” Reed said. “There are also lower levels of college degrees among Black men when compared to Black women.”
Reed, an accomplished journalist who received management training at the New York Times and at the Maynard Institute’s Media Academy at Harvard University, said the situation in Detroit is dire.
“For Detroit women between the ages of 30 and 40, there are approximately 30 percent more women than men in the city,” Reed said. “When you look at the Census data for the same age group across Michigan, there is only a 6 percent difference, based on the recent U.S. Census American Community Survey.”
Reed said that means women who live in Detroit face a much smaller pool of available men to start with.
“For example according to the recent Census, more than 50,000 women in Detroit, which is a mostly Black community, have a bachelor degrees or higher compared to only 31,000 of men,” Reed said.
At 26 years, Kelly L. Dickens, a successful producer and reporter for ABC12 WJRT TV in Flint, describes herself as “super single.”
“I have had about three relationships and I ended them because they simply weren’t working,” she said. “There was tension in a few of them because of my demanding job schedule and ambition. Right now I am single. I have no candidates. I’m not sure I totally believe that’s because there aren’t any available men who have my standards.”
Dickens said she and several other successful Black women are waiting for their “Barack Obama” to come and find them.
President Obama has become the new model of a charming Black prince for most Black women who see his strong family values and affection for Michelle Obama as renewed hope that they can find their own someday.
“For so long people have pretended as if it was close to impossible to have it all, but the President of the United States and Michelle shattered that glass ceiling,” Dickens said.
The U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey of 2006 showed that 45 percent of Black women in America have never been married compared to 23 percent of White women.
That fear of being alone, whether it is during the holiday season or other special occasions forces some women to make rash decisions resulting in unsatisfactory relationships, and unfulfilling marriages that end quickly in divorce.
More recently the gender roles of women have changed, making them more demanding in professional fields traditionally held by men, which consequently affects relationships.
“I’ve heard a few men say that women nowadays just don’t know their ‘role.’ Being a woman in the work force, I work to tear down ‘roles.’ My coworker just said women fight for their rights and roles at work and then bring that same attitude into a relationship and it doesn’t work,” Dickens said. “I can see this happening, but I don’t think that is me. I think I can be a good mate but I don’t baby and coddle men. I will, however, be your number one supporter.”
Portia Roberson, who heads the U.S. Justice Department Office of Intergovernmental and Public Liaison, is not only a successful lawyer, but the native Detroiter is also a rising star in the Obama administration.
When reached on her cell, Roberson, who has turned 40, agreed with Kimberly Hill that Black women should expand their dating options.
“We need to widen our scope of dating and relationship possibilities. However, we are often convinced that only a certain type of man can be our soul mate,” Roberson said. “We recognize that men may seem to have a myriad of dating options, but they must challenge themselves to recognize that there remains real value and happiness in being in committed, loving relationships.”
Recounting her dating experience, Roberson said it’s never been an issue for her to date men of different status and income levels.
“I’ve dated men who made significantly more than I did and men who’ve made less. Black women, like all women, are looking for men who treat us respectfully, love us, and have healthy relationships with their families, friends and their God. Men who are confident, open and secure with themselves,” Roberson said.
Lonette McKee, actress and filmmaker, said it is a new day for Black women.
“Throughout my entire adult life I’ve always been in a live-in relationship with a man. I’ve been happily married and gleefully divorced. I’ve enjoyed great relationships with wonderful men and some, well, not so much. But things have changed. It’s a new day,” McKee said. “Women nowadays are holding down jobs, earning their own paychecks and taking responsibility for their own happiness and emotional well-being. We realize we’re capable of taking care of ourselves and don’t necessarily need or want men (or anyone else) to provide for us. There’s power in independence.”
C. Paschal Eze is author of the allegorical “Divorce Appetizers: All You Shouldn’t Eat and What to Do When You Eat Them,” that offers methods for maintaining a healthy marriage.
“I won’t be surprised if in the future you find many more diverse families where John is Brown, Mary is Yellow and Steve is White and their Mama is my lovely Black sister whose current husband is Yellow. I won’t be surprised if that same future produces more Black fathers of mulattoes who do not really care about our traditions,” Eze said whose book is being released on Amazon.com.
“Our Black culture may yield more ground in the cultural push and pull, losing some of its steam and substance. Yet, I must posit that love is wherever and whenever you find it — in White or Black, inner city or suburb, tall or short, online, word of mouth recommendation, at professional conference or choir practice — as long as it is love and not something that pretends to be love. I think the more our women go outside of our community to marry, the stronger the challenge would be on our men to rise up and take their rightful place in the hearts of these women. If they don’t fill the vacuum, you can bet others will, eventually.”
The divorce rate in the Black community is equally soaring, presenting another challenge to the Black family.
“Yes, the number of should-be-married and once-married ladies is huge. One may say it has even become a thing of pride to wave the once-married banner and talk often about ‘loving my daughter to death,’ as if the daughter is a finite consolation for not having a husband,” Eze said. “You know, it sort of reflects one’s level of social sophistication and spirit of independence. Beyond that, I think, in many ways, marrying and staying married has also become a matter of cash. Show me your wallet, and I will show you the type of woman that can stick with you, come summer or winter. But not all women are that way, I must add.”
But Eze added, “There are still women that will love their Black men for who they are, and will go the distance with them. There are also men who fold their hands and wait for the women to guide, feed, clothe and bathe them. Are they really men?”
E-mail senior editor Bankole Thompson at bthompson@michronicle.com.
Snubbing the Wedding Ring
A new research from Yale University is going right to the heart of an issue that is all too familiar in the African American community. That educated and successful Black women are finding it difficult to meet “Mr. Right.”
The research which has become the subject of many discussions in the media about the stability of the Black family in the Barack Obama era shows that few Black women with post-graduate degrees are getting married and having children. “
In the past nearly four decades, Black women have made great gains in higher education rates, yet these gains appear to have come increasingly at the expense of marriage and family,” said Hannah Brueckner, professor of sociology at Yale University and one of the authors of the research. “Both White and Black highly educated women have increasingly delayed childbirth and remain childless, but the increase is stronger for Black women.”
This new study produced by Yale University Center for Research on Inequalities and the Life Course, directed by Brueckner, has been described as the first of its kind for reviewing long-term trends in marriage among highly educated Black women.
According to the study, Black women who were born after 1950 were twice as likely as their White counterparts to never have been married by age 45, and twice as likely to be divorced, widowed or separated. “
Highly educated Black women have increasingly fewer options when it comes to potential mates,” Brueckner said. “They are less likely than Black men to marry outside their race, and compared to Whites and Black men, they are least likely to marry a college-educated spouse.”
Some highly educated and successful Black men have gone outside of their race to find their soul mates.
Vivid examples can be found in Julian Bond, veteran civil rights leader and chairman of the National NAACP, entertainer/activist Harry Belafonte, former United Nations Secretary General Kofi Anan, basketball great Charles Barkley and golf superstar Tiger Woods, who all married White women.
Because of the limited pool of available intelligent and accomplished Black men, some Detroiters are responding to the Yale report with cautious optimism.
“I think that Black women should explore other options (opposite sex), just as many Blacks have done throughout history. Love is not defined in terms of Black and Black, but perhaps, in terms of Latino, Asian, White, etc,” said Kimberly Hill, 37, a political consultant, lecturer and former aide to Congressman John Conyers.
Hill said Black women are faced with so many socioeconomic challenges that sometimes provide unintended roadblocks in developing relationships.
“For jobs that have traditionally been held by White men, there is almost an unbearable amount of pressure to perform exceptionally. Consequently, women are often forced to choose between career advancement or love,” Hill said.
“It is very possible to become so engrossed in the mundane functions of a career position that you lose sight of your outside interests, thus hindering your chances of finding love.”
However, Hill believes the dilemma facing Black women can be addressed.
“The answer is balance. As successful Black women we must learn to prioritize what is important in life, and balance must influence this equation,” she said. “A balanced woman achieves academic and career success, actively displays a commitment to bettering their community, has a social life, and most importantly, at least in my view has developed spiritual maturity.”
The study noted that despite the fact that Black women are more likely than White women to have children, 45 percent of those born between 1955 and 1960 didn’t have children by 45 compared to 35 percent of White women who were born in the same period.
The study, led by Natalie Nitsche, a graduate student in sociology at Yale, used data from the U.S. Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey to reveal the marital status of Black women with postgraduate degrees.
For example, for Black women with postgraduate degrees born between 1956 and 1960, the average age they gave birth for the first time was 34, almost in the same range as White women.
However, when White women started reaching their 30s, many of them gave birth more than once while most Black women did not.
Ebony Reed, 31, deputy metro editor at the Detroit News, said there are a number of factors responsible for the shortage of Black men in our communities.
“If Black professional women are only looking in the Black community for a mate there is a limited pool of available men, based on high rates of incarceration, mortality and unemployment of Black men,” Reed said. “There are also lower levels of college degrees among Black men when compared to Black women.”
Reed, an accomplished journalist who received management training at the New York Times and at the Maynard Institute’s Media Academy at Harvard University, said the situation in Detroit is dire.
“For Detroit women between the ages of 30 and 40, there are approximately 30 percent more women than men in the city,” Reed said. “When you look at the Census data for the same age group across Michigan, there is only a 6 percent difference, based on the recent U.S. Census American Community Survey.”
Reed said that means women who live in Detroit face a much smaller pool of available men to start with.
“For example according to the recent Census, more than 50,000 women in Detroit, which is a mostly Black community, have a bachelor degrees or higher compared to only 31,000 of men,” Reed said.
At 26 years, Kelly L. Dickens, a successful producer and reporter for ABC12 WJRT TV in Flint, describes herself as “super single.”
“I have had about three relationships and I ended them because they simply weren’t working,” she said. “There was tension in a few of them because of my demanding job schedule and ambition. Right now I am single. I have no candidates. I’m not sure I totally believe that’s because there aren’t any available men who have my standards.”
Dickens said she and several other successful Black women are waiting for their “Barack Obama” to come and find them.
President Obama has become the new model of a charming Black prince for most Black women who see his strong family values and affection for Michelle Obama as renewed hope that they can find their own someday.
“For so long people have pretended as if it was close to impossible to have it all, but the President of the United States and Michelle shattered that glass ceiling,” Dickens said.
The U.S. Census Bureau’s American Community Survey of 2006 showed that 45 percent of Black women in America have never been married compared to 23 percent of White women.
That fear of being alone, whether it is during the holiday season or other special occasions forces some women to make rash decisions resulting in unsatisfactory relationships, and unfulfilling marriages that end quickly in divorce.
More recently the gender roles of women have changed, making them more demanding in professional fields traditionally held by men, which consequently affects relationships.
“I’ve heard a few men say that women nowadays just don’t know their ‘role.’ Being a woman in the work force, I work to tear down ‘roles.’ My coworker just said women fight for their rights and roles at work and then bring that same attitude into a relationship and it doesn’t work,” Dickens said. “I can see this happening, but I don’t think that is me. I think I can be a good mate but I don’t baby and coddle men. I will, however, be your number one supporter.”
Portia Roberson, who heads the U.S. Justice Department Office of Intergovernmental and Public Liaison, is not only a successful lawyer, but the native Detroiter is also a rising star in the Obama administration.
When reached on her cell, Roberson, who has turned 40, agreed with Kimberly Hill that Black women should expand their dating options.
“We need to widen our scope of dating and relationship possibilities. However, we are often convinced that only a certain type of man can be our soul mate,” Roberson said. “We recognize that men may seem to have a myriad of dating options, but they must challenge themselves to recognize that there remains real value and happiness in being in committed, loving relationships.”
Recounting her dating experience, Roberson said it’s never been an issue for her to date men of different status and income levels.
“I’ve dated men who made significantly more than I did and men who’ve made less. Black women, like all women, are looking for men who treat us respectfully, love us, and have healthy relationships with their families, friends and their God. Men who are confident, open and secure with themselves,” Roberson said.
Lonette McKee, actress and filmmaker, said it is a new day for Black women.
“Throughout my entire adult life I’ve always been in a live-in relationship with a man. I’ve been happily married and gleefully divorced. I’ve enjoyed great relationships with wonderful men and some, well, not so much. But things have changed. It’s a new day,” McKee said. “Women nowadays are holding down jobs, earning their own paychecks and taking responsibility for their own happiness and emotional well-being. We realize we’re capable of taking care of ourselves and don’t necessarily need or want men (or anyone else) to provide for us. There’s power in independence.”
C. Paschal Eze is author of the allegorical “Divorce Appetizers: All You Shouldn’t Eat and What to Do When You Eat Them,” that offers methods for maintaining a healthy marriage.
“I won’t be surprised if in the future you find many more diverse families where John is Brown, Mary is Yellow and Steve is White and their Mama is my lovely Black sister whose current husband is Yellow. I won’t be surprised if that same future produces more Black fathers of mulattoes who do not really care about our traditions,” Eze said whose book is being released on Amazon.com.
“Our Black culture may yield more ground in the cultural push and pull, losing some of its steam and substance. Yet, I must posit that love is wherever and whenever you find it — in White or Black, inner city or suburb, tall or short, online, word of mouth recommendation, at professional conference or choir practice — as long as it is love and not something that pretends to be love. I think the more our women go outside of our community to marry, the stronger the challenge would be on our men to rise up and take their rightful place in the hearts of these women. If they don’t fill the vacuum, you can bet others will, eventually.”
The divorce rate in the Black community is equally soaring, presenting another challenge to the Black family.
“Yes, the number of should-be-married and once-married ladies is huge. One may say it has even become a thing of pride to wave the once-married banner and talk often about ‘loving my daughter to death,’ as if the daughter is a finite consolation for not having a husband,” Eze said. “You know, it sort of reflects one’s level of social sophistication and spirit of independence. Beyond that, I think, in many ways, marrying and staying married has also become a matter of cash. Show me your wallet, and I will show you the type of woman that can stick with you, come summer or winter. But not all women are that way, I must add.”
But Eze added, “There are still women that will love their Black men for who they are, and will go the distance with them. There are also men who fold their hands and wait for the women to guide, feed, clothe and bathe them. Are they really men?”
E-mail senior editor Bankole Thompson at bthompson@michronicle.com.
Friday, December 4, 2009
An Open Letter to Tiger Woods from Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell
From Roberta: For many years, Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell has been a man that I have looked to for guidance and inspiration, and he never failed to give me a word from God. During my years as a member of Windsor Village United Methodist Church, I never felt lost in the crowd as some say they do in a large church, and knew that if needed, I could call him personally. It was because of distance that I made the decision to move my membership. His book, The Gospel of Good Success, was a part of my decision to go back to school to complete my Bachelors degree – and now I am in pursuit of a PhD after completing my Master’s degree three years ago. I received this message today and wanted to share it with you. It not only applies to the Tiger Woods situation, but offers some words of wisdom to us all. Thank you Pastor Caldwell!
From Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell:
Despite everything that’s going on in the world, the press has been fixated on Tiger Woods. I have written an open letter to Tiger, offering him some advice. Tiger’s decision to have alleged affair(s) was wrong but there are several lessons to be learned from his actions as well as what has happened in the days after the incident at his home. I hope this advice to Tiger also ministers to you if you’re ever, and I pray you’re not, in a situation where you need to be redeemed.
-----
Dear Tiger,
Blessings upon you and yours!
I have admired your extraordinarily unparalleled golf skills since you appeared on the Johnny Carson show with your dad over 20 years ago. I also salute the countless hours of preparation and practice you have invested in your professional career. Your relentless pursuit of perfection as a professional golfer inspires thousands of athletes to take games to the next level. Now you have an opportunity to take your personal game to the next level.
A lot of folk are offering you advice right now. The advice you receive and subsequently act upon will directly impact your inner peace and outer productivity for years to come. As one who has observed many comebacks, know that I am praying for you and offer you the following:
1) Continue to protect your home. Do what you can to regain your wife’s trust and happiness. Reports suggest you and your wife are in counseling. That’s a great step, keep seeking the professional coaching and counseling you and yours need so you can emerge stronger and wiser. Keep your family happy and whole, not hurt and wounded. Use these days as an opportunity to recalibrate your internal compass so you can remain pointed in the right direction.
2) Make a statement to the public in person. Charles Barkley is right when he says you need to say something. President Clinton made a statement and most Americans interpreted his words as a falsification of the facts. Some scholars believe he even lied under oath, yet, he has moved on and so has the American sentiment. Frankly, had you spoken publicly last Sunday, the news cycle would be totally different today.
3) Get off the press’ back. If you want them to give you privacy, then stop complaining about their coverage of you. If you want privacy, then talk publicly once and the intense media focus will shift to the next issue de jour. (Most of them anyway.) Take a page from David Letterman’s book of “How to Handle the Press 101.” Letterman’s sexual actions were, arguably, illegal. Yet, he confessed with out complaining about the press and everyone has moved on. Sometimes, you have to face folk head on before you can move on. The first paragraph of your press statement was great. The rest of it simply poured kerosene on the very fire you were trying to extinguish. Confess; don’t complain.
4) Play the hand you’ve been dealt. Your notoriety is what it is. There is no need to wish differently. You are an icon. You have made more money off the course than on the course. The same dynamics that helped make you wealthy now “demand” you deal with the reality of your stardom, no matter how painful it is or private it should be. I agree with you that it is a private matter. Unfortunately, your dealt hand requires you to offer a public message so you can proceed with your private matters. You have to play your hand. Surrogates will not suffice.
5) Get a Nathan. Every David needs a Nathan. In the Old Testament of the Bible, King David messed up sexually. Nathan, a member of the community, was there to give him Godly advice. But Nathan also held David accountable for his actions. As a result, David confessed and eventually went on to a successful future. You can do likewise. Identify two or three folk in your life who will tell you the truth about yourself at all times, particularly when you don’t want to hear it. In fact, “check in” with them regularly so your path remains clear of self-destructive debris. A good reliable “Nathan” is priceless. Incidentally, the more fame and fortune you accumulate, the more you need a good Nathan!
6) Stay focused. While you are processing this episode of your life, stay focused on the values you want your children to personify as adolescents and adults and on the values you want your wife to personify as your spouse. Once you sufficiently process all of what’s happened, get back on the tour and kick butt “new and improved Tiger-style!”
Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell
Sr. Pastor, Windsor Village United Methodist Church
From Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell:
Despite everything that’s going on in the world, the press has been fixated on Tiger Woods. I have written an open letter to Tiger, offering him some advice. Tiger’s decision to have alleged affair(s) was wrong but there are several lessons to be learned from his actions as well as what has happened in the days after the incident at his home. I hope this advice to Tiger also ministers to you if you’re ever, and I pray you’re not, in a situation where you need to be redeemed.
-----
Dear Tiger,
Blessings upon you and yours!
I have admired your extraordinarily unparalleled golf skills since you appeared on the Johnny Carson show with your dad over 20 years ago. I also salute the countless hours of preparation and practice you have invested in your professional career. Your relentless pursuit of perfection as a professional golfer inspires thousands of athletes to take games to the next level. Now you have an opportunity to take your personal game to the next level.
A lot of folk are offering you advice right now. The advice you receive and subsequently act upon will directly impact your inner peace and outer productivity for years to come. As one who has observed many comebacks, know that I am praying for you and offer you the following:
1) Continue to protect your home. Do what you can to regain your wife’s trust and happiness. Reports suggest you and your wife are in counseling. That’s a great step, keep seeking the professional coaching and counseling you and yours need so you can emerge stronger and wiser. Keep your family happy and whole, not hurt and wounded. Use these days as an opportunity to recalibrate your internal compass so you can remain pointed in the right direction.
2) Make a statement to the public in person. Charles Barkley is right when he says you need to say something. President Clinton made a statement and most Americans interpreted his words as a falsification of the facts. Some scholars believe he even lied under oath, yet, he has moved on and so has the American sentiment. Frankly, had you spoken publicly last Sunday, the news cycle would be totally different today.
3) Get off the press’ back. If you want them to give you privacy, then stop complaining about their coverage of you. If you want privacy, then talk publicly once and the intense media focus will shift to the next issue de jour. (Most of them anyway.) Take a page from David Letterman’s book of “How to Handle the Press 101.” Letterman’s sexual actions were, arguably, illegal. Yet, he confessed with out complaining about the press and everyone has moved on. Sometimes, you have to face folk head on before you can move on. The first paragraph of your press statement was great. The rest of it simply poured kerosene on the very fire you were trying to extinguish. Confess; don’t complain.
4) Play the hand you’ve been dealt. Your notoriety is what it is. There is no need to wish differently. You are an icon. You have made more money off the course than on the course. The same dynamics that helped make you wealthy now “demand” you deal with the reality of your stardom, no matter how painful it is or private it should be. I agree with you that it is a private matter. Unfortunately, your dealt hand requires you to offer a public message so you can proceed with your private matters. You have to play your hand. Surrogates will not suffice.
5) Get a Nathan. Every David needs a Nathan. In the Old Testament of the Bible, King David messed up sexually. Nathan, a member of the community, was there to give him Godly advice. But Nathan also held David accountable for his actions. As a result, David confessed and eventually went on to a successful future. You can do likewise. Identify two or three folk in your life who will tell you the truth about yourself at all times, particularly when you don’t want to hear it. In fact, “check in” with them regularly so your path remains clear of self-destructive debris. A good reliable “Nathan” is priceless. Incidentally, the more fame and fortune you accumulate, the more you need a good Nathan!
6) Stay focused. While you are processing this episode of your life, stay focused on the values you want your children to personify as adolescents and adults and on the values you want your wife to personify as your spouse. Once you sufficiently process all of what’s happened, get back on the tour and kick butt “new and improved Tiger-style!”
Pastor Kirbyjon Caldwell
Sr. Pastor, Windsor Village United Methodist Church
A Psalm for Nyna...
After posting the Coffee Lovers Psalm I recieved an IM from my friend Nyna reminding me that I forgot the Coke lovers (of which I am a member too). Since I am an equal opportunity kinda girl, this is for you Nyna - and all of the other Coca Cola lovers out there!
The Coke Lover’s Psalm
Coke is my shepherd; I shall not thirst.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no soda:
For thou art with me; thy ice and thy straw they comfort me.
Thou preparest a 44oz before me in the presence of Sonic:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my foam runneth over.
Surely caffeine and fizz shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Cola forever.
~Author Unknown~ Remixed by Roberta
The Coke Lover’s Psalm
Coke is my shepherd; I shall not thirst.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no soda:
For thou art with me; thy ice and thy straw they comfort me.
Thou preparest a 44oz before me in the presence of Sonic:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my foam runneth over.
Surely caffeine and fizz shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Cola forever.
~Author Unknown~ Remixed by Roberta
Coffee Lovers Unite!
I DO love me some coffee!! I GOTTA have a cup in the morning and sometimes I drink it throughout the day. If I don't have a cup at some point in the first 2-3 hours after I wake up, you will NOT like me that day! It is NOT pretty!
So coffee lovers - STOP THE DENIAL! Lift your mugs high and say it with me - I LOVE COFFEE! Stand tall when you walk into Starbucks and they know what to prepare for you with out you saying a word! Proudly display your collection of coffee mugs (just don't try to tell me when and where you got each one!) and WHY - WHY LAWD WHY do you try to hide the 4 different kinds of flavored creamers in your refrigerator?!?!? DO YOU! (I'm a Chocolate Caramel fan, myself!)
In honor of my fellow coffee lovers, I present, the Coffee Lovers Psalm!
Lift your cup, and enjoy!
The Coffee Lover’s Psalm
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Folgers forever.
~Author Unknown~
So coffee lovers - STOP THE DENIAL! Lift your mugs high and say it with me - I LOVE COFFEE! Stand tall when you walk into Starbucks and they know what to prepare for you with out you saying a word! Proudly display your collection of coffee mugs (just don't try to tell me when and where you got each one!) and WHY - WHY LAWD WHY do you try to hide the 4 different kinds of flavored creamers in your refrigerator?!?!? DO YOU! (I'm a Chocolate Caramel fan, myself!)
In honor of my fellow coffee lovers, I present, the Coffee Lovers Psalm!
Lift your cup, and enjoy!
The Coffee Lover’s Psalm
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze.
It maketh me to wake in green pastures:
It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses.
It restoreth my buzz:
It leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of addiction,
I will fear no Equal:
For thou art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me.
Thou preparest a carafe before me in the presence of Starbucks:
Thou anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over.
Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my life:
and I will dwell in the House of Folgers forever.
~Author Unknown~
Thursday, December 3, 2009
LIE like a rug.....
***Disclaimer - this was written right after learning of the Tiger Woods debaucle along with some personal experience. I do NOT think that ALL MEN are like this.****
The Tiger Woods soap opera has generated several conversations this week about relationships and there seems to be a recurring theme - the seemingly uncontrollable need for SOME men to cheat and lie - about who he is, what he does, whether he is married or single, what type of relationship he wants, his job, his education, how many women he is seeing, his feelings for you, his online/offline/in line at the grocery store antics, his sexual orientation, his baby momma, his health status, his family...etc.....WHY?!?! The saddest part of all of this is what I see happening to the women and families as a result. What causes all of this? Can someone help me understand?
Is it that we as women have to remain guarded and suspicious because no matter what your age, profession, hometown, or religious beliefs, you have not matured enough to be a REAL MAN and tell the truth?
Is it that we have to do as Steve Harvey says and "think like a man" because you truly believe we are stupid enough to trust everything you say?
Is it that we cannot be the open, honest, REAL, loving woman that God created us to be FOR YOU AND TO YOU because you don’t have the sense to recognize it (although you SAY you do) and allow it? You simply take advantage of it!
Is it that YOU think you have the POWER and that everyone around you must bow down to your charming recitation of the practiced speeches and flattering "look into my eyes" hypnotics that you learned in magic class?
Is it that you have bought into the myth that there is a shortage of men and we will accept ANY kind of treatment to say we have one?
If so, then you need to deflate your ego and realize that we are NOT any of those things. We are women who, in spite of your attempt to demoralize and dehumanize us, continue to rise above. We are women who deal with the crap that you present only for awhile – and enjoy seeing you cringe when you see that we have upgraded to the next level of Man – the man that you WISH you could be but you just do not have the integrity – or as you fellas prefer to say – just don’t have the balls – platinum or otherwise – to be!
This is why you see on the news about women shooting men, lacing their food with drugs, and running them over with cars. The song “Bust your window out your car” wasn’t just something that they pulled out of the sky. There is a reason it is called a “CRIME OF PASSION”! STOP IT! Stop playing with our emotions. Stop acting as if we HAVE to take what you dish out. That is a dangerous game! We are TIRED OF YOUR BULL****!
So…back to the original question…can someone help me understand?
WHY LAWD, WHY?!?
The Tiger Woods soap opera has generated several conversations this week about relationships and there seems to be a recurring theme - the seemingly uncontrollable need for SOME men to cheat and lie - about who he is, what he does, whether he is married or single, what type of relationship he wants, his job, his education, how many women he is seeing, his feelings for you, his online/offline/in line at the grocery store antics, his sexual orientation, his baby momma, his health status, his family...etc.....WHY?!?! The saddest part of all of this is what I see happening to the women and families as a result. What causes all of this? Can someone help me understand?
Is it that we as women have to remain guarded and suspicious because no matter what your age, profession, hometown, or religious beliefs, you have not matured enough to be a REAL MAN and tell the truth?
Is it that we have to do as Steve Harvey says and "think like a man" because you truly believe we are stupid enough to trust everything you say?
Is it that we cannot be the open, honest, REAL, loving woman that God created us to be FOR YOU AND TO YOU because you don’t have the sense to recognize it (although you SAY you do) and allow it? You simply take advantage of it!
Is it that YOU think you have the POWER and that everyone around you must bow down to your charming recitation of the practiced speeches and flattering "look into my eyes" hypnotics that you learned in magic class?
Is it that you have bought into the myth that there is a shortage of men and we will accept ANY kind of treatment to say we have one?
If so, then you need to deflate your ego and realize that we are NOT any of those things. We are women who, in spite of your attempt to demoralize and dehumanize us, continue to rise above. We are women who deal with the crap that you present only for awhile – and enjoy seeing you cringe when you see that we have upgraded to the next level of Man – the man that you WISH you could be but you just do not have the integrity – or as you fellas prefer to say – just don’t have the balls – platinum or otherwise – to be!
This is why you see on the news about women shooting men, lacing their food with drugs, and running them over with cars. The song “Bust your window out your car” wasn’t just something that they pulled out of the sky. There is a reason it is called a “CRIME OF PASSION”! STOP IT! Stop playing with our emotions. Stop acting as if we HAVE to take what you dish out. That is a dangerous game! We are TIRED OF YOUR BULL****!
So…back to the original question…can someone help me understand?
WHY LAWD, WHY?!?
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
...and so we begin...
I've been writing and giving my unbiased (or maybe a little biased) opinion for a few years now, but never considered setting up a blog just to say what I felt the need or had a desire to say. A friend of mine said that the time had come for me to step out and allow my "musings" to be read by others. So here I am.....embarking on a new adventure.....stepping out on faith. I'll come here and post my thoughts - things that are on my mind and in my heart - some of them you'll agree with and some of them you won't - but in the end we will have made a connection - you'll see!
I'll talk to you soon!
I'll talk to you soon!
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