I had forgotten about this blog. It wasn't that I had forgotten about thinking or that I had stopped having opinions, but I had just stopped recording them. It was wonderful to go back and read the old posts and see how far I have come - and what I stopped doing.
Follow through - do you have a difficult time with that? Sometimes I do. I don't intend to not complete anything - and actually maybe possibly in my mind it's already complete.(aha!) I know that I get bored easily and like to move on to other projects - and all of the projects are creative - most involve cutting, pasting, and writing. The others involve reorganizing, making something, or making something old new again. Is that so different from what we do when making changes? If your life is about moving forward, isn't that what you do? You cut out some things - paste some things over other things - write about it (a la Twitter or FB) - you reorganize your thoughts, your feelings, your possessions - you make something; a friend, a promise - or sometimes you make something old new again - friendship, family relationship, old flame, or just how you think about life and what your next steps will be.
My Pastor talked about moving forward on Sunday. His BRILLIANT analogy (don't tell him I said that) was of Michael Jackson's Billy Jean video. He shared that the director/producer had it all lined out, and ALL Michael had to do was take each step as it was directed and everything would fall into place. The camera would record it correctly - the music would line up correctly - and most importantly, the scene would be complete and it would be a success. That's what God wants us to do - follow the path he has laid out for us and see the success.
I thought about that analogy on the way home from church. How many times had I stopped making the steps because my MIND said it wasn't the right path to take. The results of that action? I became Frustrated. Disappointed. Angry. Jealous. Hurt. Envious. Sad. Disillusioned. - and those emotions caused me to stop progressing because I was afraid. Afraid of failure - afraid of rejection - just plain old SCARED. Hmm, (aha) it was during THAT time that I stopped posting on the blog...wow...FEAR caused me to stop other things which caused me to stop...and be still...and not move forward.
...but just like Michael Jackson - I BEAT IT!(Thank you BW) Ok, so you didn't accomplish all that you thought you would have by now - and your path wasn't as smooth as you thought it should. SO...WHAT! Mine wasn't...and I didn't...but I CAN say, that I really do LOVE who I have become! I really LIKE that cute caramel complected woman that I see in the mirror! She is beautiful and talented and thoughtful and smart and creative and compassionate and loving and funny and ready for whatever God has next for her! I am EXCITED about the growth I have made! I am sorry if who I am doesn't measure up to YOUR idea, but I love you anyway, and I'm glad that YOU DON'T MAKE THE RULES! HA! I am NOT afraid anymore! :::insert praise break:::
A coworker recently shared with me that her mother was "refined, dignified, and sophisticated" and that she had passed those traits on to her.::::side eye::: She then went on to talk about how she really didn't have friendships inside or outside the workplace. "Hmm," I thought initially, "is she trying to say that I am NONE of those things?" That little voice of fear and insecurity that drove me to stop moving forward began to speak...BUT the new strong resilient excited about life voice piped up and said "SHUT UP". That happened just in time to hear her say "You know, I come over here and speak to you, and you never come over to my area and speak to me." "No", I responded, "I came over to you once - and you turned your nose up at me and didn't respond to what I was saying, so I felt it best to leave you where you were.That way, when and if you do come by, I know you want to be friendly. See, I like people and I spend more time here at work than at home, so I like to enjoy wherever I am. I prefer to do as the quote says and 'bloom where you are
planted'". Yes, she said, the quote by Mary Englebreit. "Actually" I corrected her, "The Bishop of Geneva, Saint Francis de Sales originally made that quote. Mary Englebreit just made it popular." I smiled as she turned and walked away....and took fear with her.
::: George Jefferson strut::: Yeah...I'm bad... :::moonwalk and leg kick:::
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