The Root Canal

A little over a year ago, I went to see a new dentist.  My previous dentist, who I loved, had retired and it had been about 2 years since I had made a visit to the dentist's office.  I was NOT looking forward to it.

The office was nice enough and the staff pleasant.  They did my exam and told me that I needed a deep cleaning and a root canal on a front tooth.  ROOT CANAL?  I had never had one of those in my life and honestly, had already set in my mind that it wasn't going to happen.

So...for the next year...I went along my merry way.  The tooth didn't hurt, but there was definitely an issue with the hole that had been created by the portion of the tooth that was gone.

Then finally, I couldn't ignore it any longer.  I was in jeopardy of losing the entire tooth because of my fear of the process.

I called the dental office and made the appointment.

The night before the procedure, I spent a lot of time thinking about what it would consist of.  How much pain would I be in.  How long would it take.  I scheduled it on a Friday so that I could be "sick and shut in" for the entire weekend.

The fateful day had arrived - and I went into the office feeling anxious.   They brought me back to the room where the procedure would take place and told me that I would get the deep cleaning on the right side of my mouth first.  That wasn't fun, but it wasn't too bad.  they left me in the chair - waiting - and thinking about what was coming next - and getting more anxious by the moment.

They came in to take my blood pressure.  Why?  I had never had a situation where they did that prior to a dental procedure before.  134/93.  Uh oh...."You have to calm down Ms. Smith or we can't do the procedure."  NOT do the procedure?!?!  OH YEAH THAT WILL MAKE ME MORE CALM!  So they turned off the lights, and left me in the chair - waiting - and thinking.

The next reading was 158/103.  "NO", they said, " You have got to stop this.  The anesthesia we give you for the procedure will increase your blood pressure.  Right now if we gave it to you IT COULD KILL YOU.  CALM DOWN!"  :::insert blank stare at the dental assistant::::

I walked.  I prayed.  I chanted.  I watched Undercover Boss.  The next reading - 181/114!  The dentist came in and said, "We cannot do your procedure today.  We will have to reschedule."  I felt embarrassed and angry that I couldn't get past this anxiety to get this over with.  I sulked for about 4 hours....and then I realized, that being anxious and angry did not do anything to make the situation better. So I had to come up with a plan to make SURE the next appointment happened and get past the fear.

I asked them to give me something to help me calm down - and they did.   I  made sure that I spent the evening before relaxing and got a good night's sleep.  I took the meds one hour before the procedure.

The process went without a hitch. I felt no pain during and only a small period of time with an ache afterwards.  I realized that my tooth HAD been hurting me but I had was so accustomed to the pain that I didn't feel it anymore. I wished I had done it over a year ago.

Isn't that just like things we need to change about ourselves?  We KNOW that there are holes in us but we don't do what is necessary to fix them.   We display bad behaviors to people that love us and hurt them in the process. We are so afraid of doing the work of making the changes that we convince ourselves that we don't need it - everyone else is wrong. Our conduct and integrity becomes questionable. We are in denial and it's all because of FEAR.  So the fear wins - and we lose.

If I hadn't face the fear of getting the root canal, I would have lost the tooth, and possible damaged other teeth in the process!  Your fear of change could make you lose things and people and damage other areas of your life in the process. Get some help if you need help with the change. What is the results you want? How are you going to make it happen?  Play the Keep, Stop, Start game.  What things do you need to KEEP doing?  What do you need to STOP doing?  Most importantly, what do you need to START doing?  LET YOUR FAITH BE BIGGER THAN YOUR FEAR! (Thanks Kirklands)

When you remove the decay and close up the hole, you can then see just how much pain you had been in before and are now pain free! What in your life needs a root canal?  I will no longer allow fear to hold me in bondage. You will not break me!  #itsasnake  #andarat #killit  #promise  #power  #preeminence  #iamextraordinary  #release  #reclaim   #reconnect   #relineyournest

Become Resilient!

Just wanted to pass on some great information on being resilient - that's the foundation of relining your nest. Use the change and transition to not only bounce back, but be better!  Enjoy!!

Resilience is the ability to recover after experiencing a difficult or stressful event. Do you consider yourself a person who bounces back from life's challenges and setbacks? There are things you can do to improve how you react or cope with difficult or stressful situations. Consider the following resiliency building strategies:

Build relationships – Spend time with people who care about you. Develop new friendships with people who are experiencing common life challenges or have similar interests.

Allow others to help - Be courageous and ask for help from family, friends, support groups, or counselors and therapists when you need it.

Be confident in you - Focus on your abilities, and trust your instincts.

Be goal-focused - Instead of feeling overwhelmed by what you cannot do or control, focus on small, attainable goals you can reach.

Focus on the facts - Most of our worries in day-to-day life are about the "what ifs", what could happen rather than what we're actually facing. Focus on today and now.

Discover your strengths - Reflect on what you have accomplished and take note of any positive traits you've acquired as a result of or in spite of tough times.

Help others - Helping another person in need can help you find hope during your own stressful times.

Take care of you - There is no substitute for proper rest, nutrition, exercise, and relaxation techniques.

Laugh - Resiliency experts have found that laughter helps people cope better during difficult times. Laughter can even ease physical and emotional pain.

No matter how resilient we are, we are all still human. We have emotional and even physical responses to a bad day, but we can teach our mind and body to "bounce back". You do not have to wait for a crisis or stressful life experience to practice building resiliency #relineyournest

...and here we are again!

It seems that around this time every year I return to this place to pick up again the recording of my thoughts in a blog.  In looking back over the past year, especially the past few months, I see how important sharing those thoughts and experiences has become.  It's a part of who I am - period. Usually I talk them out, but lately that hasn't been enough. The result of that has been the publishing of my first book - Relining the Empty Nest.

Most people think of children leaving home when they think of an empty nest, but it is so much more than that.

Your heart, home, and daily life is a nest. The nest can be made up of one or more things and it is not important to number them.  Just recognize that your nest can and does become empty.  Relationships end....people pass away....jobs are removed....you get older.....you move to another city or town or state....your nest become empty and in order to continue life and move forward in it, you have to reline it.

My book was a labor of love.  It's not meant to be a deep intensive therapy session but an easy read with my personal experiences as a part of it, but you do have to look within yourself and ask some hard questions.  That's where the difficulty happens because we are quick to just not think about something in order to not deal with it.  Yet that doesn't mean it's gone away.  I heard someone say recently that "you cannot fix what you will not face".  I've laid it out for you.

So...the time is now to work on YOU and only you know what is the work that needs to be done.  For me?  I didn't want to look back and say "I wonder what would have happened if" AND I needed to get over/through/around some things that fear seemed to continually place in my path.  I pushed fear aside and guess what?  Now I have a book.....

The book is available online as an ebook on Amazon and Barnes & Noble, or you can purchase the paperback at Uniquely Me Press.  There is also a workbook that you can purchase if you would prefer to have something separate from your book to record your thoughts.

What are you waiting to do? Let's reline that nest!    #relineyournest    #itsyourtime

All in the name of love, peace, and happiness...Roberta

Thankful for the gift of thought...

       In preparation for this holiday, I have spent a lot of time in introspection. The past year or so has held a lot of transition for me - changing role for me as my daughter went off to college and began the next phase of her life, new roles at work, changes in family dynamics in the acceptance of my mother's health, moving to another part of town, and even just the changes in myself as I get older and deal with my own health struggles. It hasn't been easy, and to be honest, lately it's really been hard. I've shed a lot of tears and at times I have been angry with God feeling that he had abandoned me along with others.  I don't think I have ever felt so alone. But I keep moving forward. "Just because you THOUGHT that way doesn't mean you have to THINK that way!" ~ KHC

      Last night at church the worship leader spoke of how people see you in contrast to either the reality of you or how you see yourself. That is so true! I think many times that people envision that your world is spinning a lot faster than it really is. My Pastor also shared that he doesn't trust processes, he trusts people - and that is me; I trust people. Ironically that also where the most disappointment comes, in trusting people.Yet even in the realization of that aspect, I love that I am that person. I love how much I enjoy people. I love how much I look forward to opportunities to fellowship and share with others. I love that I'm a romantic and still believe in love and what it will hold for me when He finds me.(can someone give him a GPS) I love how much I like the simple things in life. I love how crafty and creative I am. I love how much music moves me. In a nutshell - I love me! Yet I have also come to understand that FOR ME, there are dynamics that I need for balance. I need Me time, family/friends time, and time with a companion. The difficulty comes when those dynamics aren't in sync, such as it is now. But I do believe that it won't be that way always. I know that there are those that speak of not "telling your business" on social media, but there are times that by you being transparent, you help someone else. Somewhere along the way I think I heard that's a part of ministry.

       So today, on this Thanksgiving Day, I am thankful for the opportunity to share myself with you. I am thankful for the things that God has given to me materially, and know that for some, that would be enough. I am thankful that my daughter is doing well at school and in building her career. I am thankful that my mother is still with us today. I am thankful that my relationship has grown with my sisters and my brother and other family members. I am thankful for a new day and another chance to take a step forward and I'm excited about where that step will take me. I am blessed - I know that, and I don't take those things for granted. I pray that you and yours have a safe and happy day today!

Thinking can sometimes be hazardous...

One of my favorite pastimes is thinking.  What happened during the course of the day.  What do I want to see happen tomorrow.  Why did that person do what they did?  Why didn't they do something different? And so on...and so on...and so on....

It's exhausting...

So much so that you wear yourself out just trying to think things through.  I was having a conversation with a friend today in hopes that during the conversation I would sort out some thoughts that were swerling through my head.  During our chat, I realized that when I came to a decision point, I  convince myself, just in thought, that wasn't the right decision and start the process all over again. How many times have we missed out on something that while oh so simple, we made it insurmountable just by our thoughts?

I gotta learn how to not think so much.  It's hazardous - to my health, my sanity, and a few other things....but how? Where do you start?  What steps do you take?  How do you know how much is too much?  Hmm...I'll think about it and see what I come up with.

R&R...Get it!

Rest and Relaxation - we all crave more of it.  I know I do!  In the last few months I've taken a closer look at when and how I rest and relax.  In the examination of that, I've discovered that I really don't know how to rest which means I don't relax.

For most of us we look at the weekend as a time of relaxation, but in reality, we may cram more into those two days than all of the week.  Running errands, cleaning house, attending worship, and trying to add some fun into it wears us out by Sunday night!  Makes me think like what is said in this pic:

But think about it, what would we REALLY do with another day?  Yep - cram more stuff into it! So, knowing what we have to work with, we need to determine how to get things done smarter so that we can have more time to rest and relax - throughout the week!  In reading various things (which is one way that I rest) and trying to do a better job of resting and relaxing, I came across some great suggestions for ways to do that.

1. Stop thinking so much - Some of us spend time that we should be resting, thinking.  What didn't we finish today?  What do we have to do tomorrow?  Why didn't we get it done?  What could we have done differently?  What is going on in the world?  Why can't there be world peace?  Where in the world IS Carmen Satiago? WHy? WHo? Where? WHen?  The first step to relaxing is to turn off your brains.

2. Learn that PERFECTION DOES NOT EXIST!!! - Would stop spinning if you didn't fold your underwear in your drawer? No, it wouldn't...and you would have more time for you if recognized that it's ok for some things to be a little off kilter.  What do you want, a home or a museum?

3. Attack housework a little at a time - I began to use the 15 minute rule.  I set a timer for 15 minutes, chose one room and did as much as I could in that 15 minutes.  Don't get distracted!  Stay focused.  Put on some music if you need to.  Do that each day and before you know it - the whole house will be clean and your Saturday will all belong to you.  Oh yeah, put a load of clothes in the washing machine before you go to bed - and in the dryer the next morning before you leave for work.

4. Have some FUN! - Remember all of the things you used to do that you no longer do? Learn how to PLAY!  Is it really because you don't have time or because you don't MAKE time?  Reading.  Cooking. Crafts. Coloring. Cards.  Dominoes. Chess. Playing jacks. Monopoly. Jumping rope.  Skipping!(ok, I know I went a little too far with that one!) The point is that we don't stop playing because we get older, we get older because we stop playing!

So I've started your list. There are so many more out there.  Take those and expand on them. Spend at least 30 mins to an hour every other day doing something for yourself.  Mindless TV.  Going through one of those magazines that are stacked up.  Take a bubble bath.  Call a friend - yes CALL. Not text, not Instant Message.  Facetime or Skype is ok - the goal is to make an interpersonal CONNECTION!

Let me know what you do for R&R.  Let me know how it changes you - your perspective, your attitude, and your day.

Don't Forget to Remember!

Wow!  The things we forget in our lives!  This is the 2nd time that I've run across this blog and forgotten that I have it. Sad - I know, but life happens.  The ironic thing is that a close friend of mine has been saying for the past few months that I should write a book.  ME?  What would I say?  Who would want to read it?  "Well", she said, "At least do a blog".   I used to have one, I thought, and moved on to the next thing that life had deposited at my feet.

So here I am today, meandering across the internet, and I find this - my blog.  I am still single and I am still opinionated, but life has taught me SOOOO much in the past 2 years.

I will begin to record my thoughts on the blog again - just for me.  If someone is helped by my words, then that's a good thing - but the most important thing, is that I don't forget to be me. A woman with an opinion.